Servant Leadership: Authenticity and the Spiritual Journey

Posted on April 24, 2013 by Doug Ramsey

Authenticity

Leading with a Noble Purpose and pursuing a life of service to others only becomes authentic, dynamic and revitalizing when your spiritual practice evolves to the higher stages.

Until then it is mainly a “prepersonal” exercise firmly anchored to your egocentric self.

Being Selfless or Selfish

Leading without a spiritual purpose boils down to a simple ego-boosting technique that may make you feel better, but it will not lead to authenticity and into the ranks of the BIG L Leader.  Doing good and being your highest self is not the same thing.  Doing good can have at its essence an inflated ego drive – at a prepersonal level.

Authenticity and right motives may be repressed by the cocoons of denial and self-deception always assuring you of what a good person you are.  When in reality, Authentic Servant Leadership requires brutal self-honesty (as to your true intentions) and that you truly acknowledge with kindness and compassion your own vulnerabilities.

You have no choice here!

“Be the most ethical, the most responsible, the most authentic you can be with every breath you take, because you are cutting a path into tomorrow that others will follow.”  Ken Wilber

Detaching From Self

This developmental process is ongoing throughout life and it presents itself at both our strongest and weakest times.  If your understanding of “self” is deep and broad enough, you will have the opportunity to detach from ego and with work, experience your higher self.

Then your Servant Leadership style will move towards authenticity and it will resonate in all you do.

This is the true meaning of service and responsibility blended within the presence of a true seeker seeing from multiple perspectives and choosing right actions in being in the world.  Alas, you are awakening; you are beginning to know who you are and what matters to you.

“If you put yourself in God’s position, you will see that you wouldn’t be able to create the future in and through a selfish, self-centered person who deeply experiences incarnation as a burden.  There simply wouldn’t be any room for you in such an individual’s heart, mind, and soul.  This is why our enlightenment – our development beyond ego – has become nothing less than an evolutionary imperative.”  Andrew Cohen

Making a Difference

If you have or are about to take up the practice, you have chosen to use yourself in modeling your beliefs, values, and gifts each day.  You are now truly being in the world, however beautiful or ugly each day presents itself.

This is where you will stand with no excuses, apologies or wavering.  You are here.  You are not lost.

The manifest and absolute realities of life will show themselves.  You are beginning to understand what you are here to do and have accepted the reality that your story (indeed all our stories) will end.  As a Big L Leader, you will take a spiritual stance in your leadership beliefs and actions.

This path leads you to discover how you will make a difference by contributing what only you can give.  Is there any nobler path other than the one that leads to your inner self?

“What is this precious love and laughter budding in our hearts?  It is the glorious sound of a soul waking up!”  ~ Hafiz

A New Frontier

As many of us have discovered, these moments of spiritual depth and insight may strike us suddenly and leave us a bit unsure about our previous worldview.

They illuminate for us a new frontier of profound growth and development.

That what we seek – our true self – is right in front of us.  Are we ready to tap into this awesome potential?  Deep experiences of this scale are essential for next stage progression in consciousness and awareness. Helping us evolve spiritually and integrally.

But we need the courage and commitment to step up and out on to this new frontier in order to feel the solid ground that will hold and lead us to our new-found “self” and the dangers, opportunities, responsibilities and obligations that await our arrival.

  • How will you find your true self and immerse yourself in the authentic leadership experience that offers you the noble purpose way forward in your life and work?
  • How do you continue to grow and deepen continuously, even when you are not in touch directly with these deeper developmental insights?

To paraphrase Rumi:

“These spiritual window-shoppers, who idly ask, ‘How much is that?’

Oh, I’m just looking.  They handle a hundred items and put them down, shadows with no capital…

Even if you don’t know what you want, buy something, to be part of the exchanging flow…

As a leader, can you hear the spirit calling? If you cannot, what can you do to tune your ears, heart, and soul toward your calling? If so, what are your next steps in influencing others to greater heights? I would love to hear your thoughts!

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——————–
Doug Ramsey
Doug Ramsey is Managing Director at Designed Management, LLC
He serves with Company Building, Growth, Leadership Development, and Coaching
Email | LinkedIn | Web

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Leadership Guidance: As Parents and Mentors

Posted on March 4, 2013 by Steve Riddle

Handwritten Letter

Leadership points to ponder for teenagers are just as relevant to adults, especially new leaders, viewed via a father’s letter to a teen.

A Father’s Letter

Today you turn 13 years old. I am amazed at how quickly this time has gone and the next 10 years will fly by as well. Then you will be well into your 20′s, however there is a lot that you will see, hear and be tempted by during this time. Much of it will be wonderful, inspiring and of great benefit to you and how you are seen and interact with others.

There will also be some potential pitfalls and challenges, many of which you will not see coming. That is OK. Our job is not to wrap in you cotton balls or bubble-wrap, protecting you from what are ultimately learning opportunities. Our role is and has always been to help you through these times, to support you (always!) and guide you where we can.

1) Keep talking to us. Even in those times when you are angry, frustrated or disappointed, we will always listen to you and provide help where we can. If you don’t want to share with your Mum or I, then seek help from others – whoever you feel comfortable with. Don’t dwell on issues or let them fester.

2) Choose your friends wisely. Who you spend your time with reflects on you and will certainly influence who you become, both good qualities and bad. You have some lovely friends now. Support them, be kind and know that with all relationships, just like ours, you will have ups and downs along the way. That is OK – in fact it is expected. It is during these times that you will learn who your good and true friends are and also how you are perceived by them, which will be revealed through your actions and theirs.

3) Keep a broad level of interests in many things as you already have shown and put into practice. The skills, passion, diversity of thought, leadership exposure and opportunities provide one of the great bases for much of how you will make choices in coming years.

4) Don’t worry about trying to be cool or liked. It is a bit clichéd in the adult world now, unfortunately, but it does not take away from the fact that ultimately being respected is harder to achieve but has greater meaning and purpose.

5) Know what you are passionate about. As an adult you will know that passion is critical, however many people of all ages struggle to define this. One of the first questions I ask my clients when coaching is: what are you passionate about? It is surprising how many people cannot answer this easily. Follow your passions; make sure they form part of what you do and who you are and if you can, build it into your work-life as you get older. This may not be clear for some years, which is OK, but keep it in mind.

6) Role model the best behaviours. We do not expect you to be perfect. Neither your Mum or I are, as you know. We all have strengths and faults, but none of them should stop you from trying to do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. I have found over the years that putting other’s needs ahead of your own is one of the most fulfilling aspects of life and most rewarding behaviours you can possess. Others will respect you for it.

7) As much as possible, remove assumption from situations and your thinking. Consider alternatives and think broadly – make this a habit. I see too many people place their own ideals and values on others and fail to see the bigger pictures and/or other people’s perspective. This relates to emotional intelligence and empathy – both things we will talk more about later.

8) Speaking of values and trust, earn the trust of others through what you say and most importantly back it up with what you do. If you commit to do something, do it. Meet your deadlines and continue to challenge yourself. Over time, learn what is most important to you (I will continue to help you with this) and maintain these values through how you portray yourself and decisions you make. Values are the absolute platform to work from as a person – know what yours are and develop a solid base to build upon as you reach adult-hood. Know who you are and stay true to your values!

9) Don’t be in a hurry to grow up. There are many benefits to the modern world, however one of the downsides in my opinion is the exposure to so much, so quickly. There is no doubt that 13 is the new 16 when I compare your life now to my childhood and teenage years. My big tip – not everything that is fun and worth doing has a screen attached or needs to be plugged in. Get outside often. Try new things.

10) Communication. It would be a surprise to some of your age that communication initially was through symbols and eventually the spoken word. Technology and newer methods of communication continue to challenge effective communication. As a result much of this is changing, however the written word remains a core component and has abundant power and authority. Also, continue to develop your speaking skills. They will hold you in good stead throughout your life. You have learned to spell and use grammar correctly. There is nothing more off-putting than seeing the poor English skills all too prominent online. Sadly, this is often reflected in important text such as resume’s and business documents. I thnk u no wat I meen!!!

11) Reading is the gift that keeps on giving. We love that you are a keen reader. Knowledge and understanding has always been and will be one of the great attributes. It enables you to form your own views and opinions based on various aspects from different perspectives. Just because it is written does not necessarily make it true. What it does do is provide depth of knowledge, varying perspectives and counter-arguments.  I love my Kindle as you do too…but keep on interspersing the traditional, physical book occasionally with the eBook, as you already do.

12) Finally, much of what I have mentioned in this list comes down to values and respect. Respect for your family and how we love one another because we are family but also because of how we treat each other. Continue to work on this – both how you respect yourself and others. Respect property – your own and that of others; respect the opportunities provided to you and those earned by you; do not take anything you have in this world for granted – there are no guarantees they will always be there and many people are not so fortunate.

We hope that this list, although not definitive, makes sense now and in the future. Life is wonderful. Life is challenging. These points may assist you and will probably become more relevant and meaningful over the next few years.

Do what you will with the words – words that have real meaning to us, more than just script on a page – and understand they will continue to form the themes for how we will support and help you, as we have in your first 13 years.

Love,

Mum and Dad xxx

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Steve Riddle
Steve Riddle is the owner of CoachStation
He is making a difference by focusing on leadership & people development
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Leaders: How to Set Expectations For Success

Posted on November 14, 2012 by Denis G. McLaughlin

Dunce

Leaders: People will perform up to your expectations – set your expectations at your team’s full potential, then help them succeed.

Names Effect Enthusiasm

Sports teams select names that are meant to encourage the team to succeed and inspire the fans to cheer.

Some professional teams have names that represent action like:

  • The San Diego Chargers
  • Detroit Tigers
  • Chicago Bulls

Other teams have names that celebrate their towns like:

  • The New England Patriots
  • Phoenix Suns
  • Montreal Canadians

Can you imagine sports teams with a name like: “The Fumblers” or “The Strike-Outs” or “The Penalty Box?” Of course not.

Naming People

Similarly, no person should be named in a way that limits their opportunity to achieve success like: “Advanced as far as they can” or “Not smart enough” or “Not leadership material.”

Maybe that person’s strengths are better used in another role that will free them to shine.

Successful Leaders don’t limit growth, they help people discover and develop their strengths.

German author and politician Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said:

“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you will help them become what they are capable of becoming.”

The level of enthusiasm of your team, and of you as the leader of the team, will be positively influenced by having a positive image of each member of your team.

Names Influence Effort

Robert Rosenthal and Lenore Jacobson performed an experiment in 1966 known as The Pygmalion Effect, which tested the effect of teacher expectations on student performance.  Teachers across 1st through 6th grades were told that certain students were expected to perform at a very high level in the coming year.

Rosenthal and Jacobson then randomly assigned students to randomly selected teachers and gave the names of the students to the teachers.

At the end of the school year, this randomly selected group of students achieved markedly higher gains in IQ scores than the rest of the students.  Why?  Because the teachers expected these students to be successful and worked hard to make sure they were.

People will achieve up to the limit of their expectations.

James Rhem, the executive editor for the online National Teaching and Learning Forum, said:

“When teachers expect students to do well and show intellectual growth, they do; when teachers do not have such expectations, performance and growth are not so encouraged and may in fact be discouraged in a variety of ways.”

Leaders have to expect that each of their team members will succeed, then work hard to make sure that happens.

Names Should Fit The Role

Abraham, the patriarch of the Jewish Nation, was once known as “Abram” which means “Exalted Father.”  At that time he had one son, Ishmael, and he was near 100 years old.  God appeared to Abram and told him that his descendants would number more than the stars.  From that point forward he would be called “Abraham” which means “Father of Many Nations.”

Marion Morrison used the stage name John Wayne because he wanted to be a rugged movie star.

What’s In a Name

Theodor Seuss Geisel began signing the name Seuss to his work in his college’s humor magazine.  The correct pronunciation of Seuss is “Soyce” but it was mispronounced “Suss” which sounded like “Goose” as in the nursery rhymes.  That was fine to Theodor who intended to use his pen name for his humorous work anyway and save his real name for a future serious project.

The “Dr.” was added to his first published book in honor of his father who wanted Theodore to be a doctor.

From this day forward, every member of your team should be named “Successful,” in the specific role they have been assigned.  The definition of success may be different in each role.

Your job as the leader is to help define success for each person and assist them in accomplishing up to their new name – Successful.

From the inspirational diary of Anne Frank comes this truth:

“Everyone has inside of him a piece of good news.  The good news is that you don’t know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!”

What name have you given to your team, and to each member of your team?  Do you believe that they can be successful?  Have you limited the growth of your team by naming them “Unable to succeed?”  Your expectations of your team will drive their performance.

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Denis McLaughlin
Denis McLaughlin is President of Leadership GPS, Inc.
He is a Leadership Development Expert, Coach, Teacher, Speaker, and Writer
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Dirt Road Leadership

Posted on November 12, 2012 by Dr. Dan Roberts

Dirt Road

I have a dirt road heritage. Much of my roots stem from a tiny patch of land in the mountains of very rural Alabama.

Proud? You bet.

And really it is not just a heritage thing. It is mostly because I was raised with some very strong values. Values are the foundation in my life. And that is a good thing.

On Leadership and Values

Values are the foundation of leadership as well. A new buzz in the current leadership books depicts Values Driven Leadership as all the rage. Values are absolutely the frame that surrounds the picture all of our best laid plans.

But how do we determine them?

Getting Started

Here’s an idea that will work. Take your blank legal pad and your trustworthy writing implement. Open up the flood gate of ideas in bullet form fashion and as fast and furiously as you can list all the things that you count as important to who you are and what defines you as an individual.

Let this be a time of idea fluency.

Green light every idea, don’t second guess anything as you list every little thing you think is part of the definition of your existence.

Now take a break, step away from the pad, go let your mind do something else. Get something to drink – I suggest Diet Coke.

Round Two

At some not so distant future time, come back to the pad and cross out half of them that if you had to choose only half, could be eliminated.

Now take a break, step away from the pad, go let your mind do something else. Get something to drink – I suggest Diet Coke.

Again, return to your thoughts and cross out half of them that are the lesser important statements.

Take a break, you know the drill.


———————————————————————

Values Sorting Exercise with Recalibrate Cards

Values drive decisions. Decisions drive behaviors. Behaviors drive results.
www.RecalibrateCards.com

Recalibrate Cards - Values Sorting & Prioritization Exercise

Round Three

Repeat this process until you absolutely cannot eliminate any other statements because they are just too important to you. These remaining ideals, friends, are your values. These are the core of your existence, the things you would take a bullet for.

This is the outline for your values statement which gives you the framework for your mission and your vision. These are the foundations of your life. You have a reason and means to define your existence.

Interestingly enough it works for your team, in a corporate setting as well. Give it a try, it will give you sure footing in an ever-changing world.

Here’s to dirt roads, diet cokes, values and leadership.

So, how fully aware are are you of your personal values? Have you taken an inventory to see what is driving your decisions, behaviors, and results? If not, take a minute and see how powerful this can be to help you raise your level of personal leadership effectiveness. You will be glad you did!

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——————–
Dr. Dan Roberts
Dr. Dan Roberts is professor of Organizational Leadership at Point University
His teaches “If you desire to lead, you must decide to serve.”
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10 Steps: How To Build Your “Personal Brand”

Posted on October 8, 2012 by Lalita Raman

Unique Selling Proposition

As a leader today, it is more important than ever to build, manage, and maintain your “personal brand.” With online social media tools with worldwide exposure available 24/7, it is now a necessity to be on top of who you are, how you are seen and heard, and what impact you are creating.

“Personal Branding” is about making the choice to determine  how the world sees you.  It’s about packaging the brand called “You.”

Knowing “Brand You”

Your personal brand is your word and your action and the way you present yourself. Personal brand is about you being your own Corporate Brand.  Being in a positive mood, having a positive culture of mutual respect, being focused and determined are imperative to each of our personal branding.

“Regardless of age, regardless of position, regardless of the business we happen to be in, all of us need to understand the importance of branding. We are CEOs of our own companies: Me Inc. To be in business today, our most important job is to be head marketer for the brand called You.” ~Tom Peters in Fast Company, 1997

10 Steps: How To Build Your “Personal Brand” 

Personal brand is an ongoing process and it evolves.

 1. Know Yourself 

Self-awareness and self assessment is key here. You need to be clear who you are, what drives and motivates you, your talents, values and strengths and what you want to achieve.

 2. Get Feedback 

Get feedback about yourself from people who know you, your colleagues, your ex bosses, your family, friends, your ex peers and your team.   Ask them specific questions on what 5 adjectives that describes you the best or what do they see as your strengths, or your personality traits.

 3. Your Talents 

Take a Talent Assessment test and also think about what are your recurring thoughts, behaviors and feelings. Do this whilst you have a quiet moment as well as when you are in the midst of something. Observe yourself.  The recurring thoughts, feelings and behaviors are your talents.  Based on your self assessment and feedback from others determine what do you represent? What are the words, images and ideas that are staring at your face?

 4. Unique Selling Proposition 

There is only one you and no other. Determine what is the key 1-2 talents that describe your Unique Selling Proposition.

 5. Business Card, Website and Social Media 

Presentation of each of this is important. The layout, color combination, information contained there in should speak of the person and the values that the business represents. Determine what is your personal brand statement ? This is a statement that represent who you are, what you represent and one that others who know you can associate with.

Do you have a LinkedIn profile? Your LinkedIn profile is a combination of a resume, testimonials, and a dynamic database of your network.  You can use it to create your own personal advertising, to search for jobs or make new connections.

6. Lead by Example 

You are only as good as what you say you will do. You ruin your personal image and branding every time your audio is not in sync with your video.

“When most people think of a brand, they visualize a slogan, a logo, campaign, a promise, or a product. A brand is much more. Your company’s brand is a powerful relationship fueled by a loyal belief system and knotted to the principle of providing exceptional value.” ~Karl Speak

 7. Listen Rather than Hear 

Empathize, let your body language show that you are listening. Make eye contact while talking, presenting, meeting current or potential customers.

 8. Speak Rather than Talk 

Your values are the things that you believe are important and your work and life needs to reflect this.

9. Over Commitment & Lack of Planning 

Failing to act on your word is a sure way to fall flat on your face as far as your reputation is concerned.  Do not ruin your franchise and image by making false promises.

10. Consistency 

You cannot separate yourself from your personal branding and thus consistency and congruence is imperative.

When you have a solid personal brand, people will remember you and have a favorable opinion of you exactly in the same way when a product has good branding.

Does your personal brand reflect who you are, and what you are? Are your talents and innate qualities brought out in your personal brand? Do you have a Unique Selling Proposition? If no, why not? Does your action empower your words and in congruence ? I would love to hear you thoughts!

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Lalita Raman

Lalita Raman is CEO of Transitions Intl Ltd
She serves her clients as Executive Coach, Business Coach & Consultant
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Leading Your Mission Statement to Success

Posted on September 27, 2012 by Chris Birk

Mission Possible

Think of this common business practice scenario for a minute: You’ve taken a lot of time and put a lot of brain power into creating the perfect mission statement for your company.

And so, you’re quite proud of it. After all, it’s your baby…

But what purpose does your mission statement serve in the day-to-day operations of your company? If your mission statement is something you truly believe in, then it’s imperative that it’s woven into the fabric of your company.

Creating a Road Map of Success

Why the mission statement must take a more prominent position

Mission and values statements are as important as ever. These define you as a company and shape your vision and trajectory for the future. They’re also a daily signpost for employees, a modeling tool that should emanate from every corner of the company.

We’re living in an age of unprecedented transparency.

Crafting simple, powerful mission statements is increasingly vital to your company. It’s as much a marketing and branding tool as it is a motivational tool for employees and company leadership.

On Mission and Values

Use your mission statement as a company-wide motivator

Businesses can embrace collaboration when it comes to creating a motivation or values statement.

A few years ago, my company, Veterans United Home Loans, decided to create a values statement that reflected our goals, our passions and our focus on serving those who have served our country. We opened the process to the entire company and solicited essays and input from everyone.

Common themes began to emerge, and bits and pieces of so many of those responses were woven into the end result. Today, our values (be passionate and have fun, deliver results with integrity and enhance lives every day) are displayed on walls and at desks across the company, at the behest of employees!

Giving people ownership when it comes to developing the long-term view and the core values of your company makes motivation a non-factor. These values have become ingrained in our company, and we reference them every day in so much of what we do, from marketing and loan processing to underwriting and closing.

Creating Values-Based Culture

How to make your mission statement a fun part of the company culture

Our values statement reflects the unique company culture we’ve worked hard to foster. Asking people to provide input and take an active role in the process can make it enjoyable, and it will be more likely to resonate long after you roll out the values and mission statements.

We decided to hold a themed “Rock ‘n’ Rollout” party to unveil and celebrate our three core values. Our CEO made a (gritty and not grand) entrance atop a motorcycle.

The unique theme and good time that followed left an imprint on our employees and underscored our commitment to having fun while striving to enhance the lives of veterans and their families.

Holding contests and competitions, or developing a tailored rollout event can help you present a mission or values statement with flair. If your employees love their workplace, they are much more likely to do a great job for you and, more importantly, your customers.

Showcasing Your Story

Your mission statement can tell your customers what you’re all about

Telling stories is a great way to showcase your values and mission. Share success stories and showcase how your product or service has helped your customers, and look for ways to highlight your values or mission within those narratives.

You can categorize these customer stories based on which of your values it represents. Use print, video and other multimedia tools to push these stories via social media and your company website.

There’s a simple journalism maxim every reporter has heard at some point:

“Show, don’t tell.”

It’s great advice for companies looking to showcase their values. You can repost your values statement or slap your mission statement on your company Facebook page, and most consumers will skim it if you’re lucky.

Showing potential customers and investors how your values translate into action is something different. Lead with your statement and use it as an introduction to your company for every person you come in contact with.

People like working with companies that create a connection.

You have your business, your vision, and now your mission statement. Own each piece and believe in it. If it truly defines what your company is about, then use it at every opportunity.

It will become the identity of your company in the minds of customers.

Weave your mission statement into every part of your business and you, your employees and your customers will all have something to believe in.

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Chris Birk
Chris Birk is the Director of Content and Communications at Veterans United
Chris serves his clients as the nation’s leading dedicated VA lender
Email | LinkedIn |  Web

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Leaders: How to Grow a Spine and Say NO

Posted on September 10, 2012 by Debra Olejownik

Just Say No

We all have a tendency to overload our schedule; to put too much on our plate. We do this because it is so much easier to say “yes” than it is to say “no.”

But when we say “yes” too much, what does this underlying message say about us?

The YES and NO of the Matter

Let’s look at what saying “yes” too much could be telling others.

Saying “yes” could mean that:

  • You simply want to help out; that you don’t want to disappoint others.
  • You confirm to another’s request by agreeing to what they are asking.
  • You are trying to avoid conflict or negative consequences.
  • You are afraid of potentially missing out on opportunities by saying no.

As for me, I have known for years that I was afraid to say NO.  I didn’t really know how to say NO and make it stick. And, I never really understood the liberating power that this two-letter word carried until years later!

What are you telling yourself when you say yes all the time to others?

The Realities of Saying “Yes”

According to a recent post I found online:

  • When you say “yes” to something you don’t enjoy, you are putting yourself in the position of essentially saying “no” to things you love.
  • When you say “yes” to a job you don’t love, you are putting yourself in the position of essentially saying “no” to your dreams.
  • When you say yes to working overtime, you are putting yourself in the position of essentially saying “no” to your family or social life.

When you say yes to others, you are potentially saying “no” to peace of mind.

The Realities of NOT Saying No

Saying yes all the time could reveal you have not clarified your own intentions. Other people’s goals become more important. The best way to understand why you should or should not say NO is to ask your-self these questions:

  1. Does what I am being asked to do go against my values?
  2. Will it create internal conflict?
  3. Will the end result lead to a less desirable outcome that is out of alignment with my highest intentions?

Other realities of not saying NO; you may lack time management and organizational skills. You may have low self-esteem; you don’t value your time or yourself. If self-worth is low, then you don’t respect yourself, or your dreams and aspirations.

“If you don’t respect the things that mean the most to you, who will?

Know When to Say No

Often times when you are faced with the decision to say no, how do you know which activities to say no to and which activities to focus your attention on?

Here are some tips to help keep things in perspective:

The focal point should matter most to you

Look at your calendar, do you have time to fit something in? If you do, great! But if not, then pass.

Consider the yes-to-stress ratio 

How much of a time commitment is this new endeavor going to add to your schedule? If it’s a couple hours out of your day for one day, that is different from a long-term strategic plan that may require weeks of planning.

Get rid of the guilt 

Deciding to help should not be based on guilt or obligation, that only adds stress and feelings of resentment.

Sleep on it

Sleeping on a decision to help someone, gives you time to think about every aspect of how this request will or will not fit into your already full schedule.

Ways to Say NO

Just Say NoThe one thing you don’t want to do is avoid the person requesting your time, all this does is create more stress. The first time you say NO to someone, you may be surprised at how easy it is.

You may also be surprised at how understanding other people are when you say no.

Other people will respect you more when they know how much you value your time.

If saying NO is something new to you, then try these simple phrases:

  • I can’t commit to this; I have other priorities at this time. How about reconnecting on this day at this time to discuss options?
  • I will not be contributing to the gift for so and so; I don’t think our relationship has reached the gifting level.
  • Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.
  • This is not a good fit for me but I know who would be a perfect fit for this!
  • No, I can’t!

“You can always rephrase the request so that it is in alignment with your ideals and then say, “That’s a Brilliant Idea!”

The Power Behind Those Two Letters: N O!

According to the Mayo Clinic there is a lot of power in the word NO. Don’t be intimidated by the word NO, and be careful not to substitute NO with I’m not sure or I don’t think I can. When you do, you transfer power back to the other person.

Always be brief, honest, respectful, and be ready to repeat yourself. It’s not always going to be easy to say NO. Learning and practicing to say NO will help you manage your time better and reduce stress levels.

According to Success Magazine,

“Learning how to say “NO” to the smaller tasks in life creates a path to freedom and success, keeping your schedule free from mental clutter; and allowing you to focus your attention on the things you value most, that creates a sense of purpose and fulfillment in your life.”

Questions: 

How do you say NO and make it stick? When do you say NO and what strategies do you use? What are some of your most successful ways to say NO? I’d love to hear your comments and experiences with saying NO!

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——————–
Debra Olejownik
Debra Olejownik is a consultant with DJC Core Consulting & Support Services, LLC
She helps clients identify comprehensive solutions to problems that inspires change
Email |  LinkedIn | Twitter | Web

Image Sources: women-journal.com

Filed under: Authentic Leadership, Conflict Management, Life Balance | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

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