On Leadership and Morning Routines

Businessman Breakfast

Hey Leader: Does Your Morning Routine Matter?

“For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been no for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.” – Steve Jobs

Successful CEOs and business leaders have different ways of starting their days. Some depend on established routines, mapped out almost minute-to-minute, in order to extract the greatest productivity out of every day.

Others take a more chaotic approach, believing that winging it actually gets more done than some preordained system.

Top 3 Things in the Morning

The sheer variety by which CEOs and others start the day begs the question — does your morning routine really matter?

Yes, says corporate wellness coach Mike Iamele, and here’s why:

Three compelling reasons for a morning routine

  1. This is ideally the time to focus on yourself (there may not be another chance to do so all day). This is when you “consistently remind yourself that you’ve got to take care of yourself first before you can possibly be effective at helping others.” Those who adhere to a regular routine generally get more done because their morning routine acts as a reminder to first of all, take care of yourself.
  1. An established morning routine doesn’t have to be perfect — you don’t have to run five miles every day, your eggs don’t have to be perfectly cooked, etc. What truly matters is your willingness to get up and get moving according to a set pattern that propels you through the day. As Iamele says, “The fear of failure can’t hold you back, because if you do it every day, you’re inevitably going to fail once in a while. But that’s OK. You’ve got a routine, so you just get up the next day and do it again.”
  1. The previous day may have been difficult, overly demanding, even a bit traumatic. A solid morning routine acts as a “reset button” — a time to pause, meditate and shake yourself free of yesterday’s distress.

Breakfast Counts

Not everyone needs a big breakfast to get moving in the morning. But health experts generally agree some type of breakfast is important for your physical health.

If preparing breakfast seems to take too much time, consider doing some prep work the night before. Slice up the fruit you intend to eat and store it in the refrigerator. Set out dishes you plan to use. Do everything you can to hit the ground running come morning.

Keeping things simple is another no-nonsense approach. For many people, a cup of coffee and an oatmeal muffin will suffice — or some other easy option like yogurt with fruit, a frozen fruit smoothie or a peanut butter breakfast bar.

Exercise Makes a Big Difference

Exercising at the crack of dawn isn’t for everyone, but even a little bit of physical movement can help clear your mind for the day ahead.

The good news is you don’t have to do the same type of workout every day.

Running, push-ups, swimming laps — whatever you choose, some strenuous activity boosts your energy level and helps you stay charged and focused throughout the day.

Start the Morning the Night Before

Some business leaders incorporate a brief evening ritual into their daily routine. At the end of the day, for example, Kenneth Chenault, CEO of American Express, writes down the three top things he intends to accomplish the following day.

He uses that list to get started in the morning.

Tackle the Hardest Stuff First

Once you’re in the office, don’t waste valuable creative time looking over emails or listening to voicemails. “In many ways, these are among the worst ways to start a day,” says Kevan Lee of Buffer.

Both activities hijack our focus and put us in a reactive mode, where other people’s priorities take center stage.”

A growing school of thought proposes that CEOs tackle their most challenging task or project at the beginning of the day. Proponents cite the fact that for most of us, the early hours of our workday are our most creative, energetic and productive (or have the potential to be). Why waste that precious time and energy on niggling administrative matters or chitchat with others that gets nothing done?

Corporate trainer Jennifer Cohen urges business leaders to start the day by focusing on what they least want to do.

Instead of anticipating the unpleasantness of it from first coffee through your lunch break, get it out of the way,” she says. “Look at this way, your day will get progressively easier, not the other way around.

What’s your tried-and-true morning routine? Do you have a favorite breakfast item to start the day? What’s the first thing you do when you get to the office? I would love to hear your thoughts!

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Kristen Gramigna is Chief Marketing Officer for BluePay
She serves in Sales, Operations, coordinating, and Business Development
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On Leadership, Fear and The Under Use of Power

Power Button

Years ago I shared an office in a house that had been converted to offices for independent practitioners. One day, in a session with a client, things admittedly got a little noisy.

The next day, I found a typewritten letter under my door, addressed to “The Occupants of Room 4.”

It read:

“On Wednesday April 16th, at approximately 10 am, there was an excessive amount of noise from Room 4 that disturbed the other tenants. Please be reminded this is a shared building, and noise should be kept to a minimum.”

It was signed by Greg, the physical therapist upstairs. I saw this guy every day on my coffee break.

So What’s Up?

Since I know this guy and saw him every day, I wondered why didn’t he simply knock on my door and ask me to keep it down? Or why didn’t he just leave a note in my box, asking me to be more sensitive next time? So in response, I wrote him a note of apology and agreed to keep it down.

But his method of notifying me really bothered me. Why did Greg have to act so bureaucratic when we had a friendly, collegial relationship. I thought about it for weeks, and then it struck me. Greg felt weak.

He was afraid to approach me directly, so he relied on rules, on legalese, rather than on our relationship.

The Under Use of Power

When we think of the misuse of power, our thoughts inevitably fly to the headline grabbers: the tyrants and bullies, schemers and scammers, or our first boss or sixth grade teacher.

Yet surprisingly, some of the biggest power problems stem from under use, not overuse of power.

Like Greg, not being comfortable with power, not identifying with one’s authority, whether it stems from a formal position, or an informal personal power, can cause just as much conflict and mayhem as does the overuse and abuse of power.

As John Adams said:

“It is weakness, rather than wickedness, which renders men unfit to be trusted with unlimited power.”

Immature Understanding of Power

The cliché, “I won’t be like my mother (or father)” holds especially true when it comes to power. We grow up in a context where power was used on us: by parents, siblings, on the playground, by teachers, and other adults. If we’re lucky, we were the beneficiaries of good, healthy uses of power. Chances are we weren’t entirely lucky.

A common response we develop is to blame power and to determine never to misuse it. But, here’s the thing: The more you hate it, the worse you’ll use it. You can’t enact authority simply by vowing “never to be like others.”

Hating power is the worst preparation you can have for occupying a position of authority.

The challenges I see in my coaching practice more often are the “Greg variety,” more often stem from avoiding using our authority, and trying to minimize our power footprint.

But these following behaviors wreak just as much havoc – albeit a different kind of havoc.

4 Misuses of Power

1) Avoiding Difficult Conversations

Trying to avoid one difficult conversation quickly spirals into a department wide mess.

  • A boss who refuses to deal with the conflict on her team, hoping it’ll just “work itself out,” is at risk of losing valuable team members.
  • Teachers who don’t take control of classroom dynamics let unsafe atmospheres detract from learning.
  • Team leaders who won’t intervene when someone dominates the meeting allow projects to degenerate into frustrating and pointless endeavors.
  • Parents who don’t set limits inadvertently teach their children that they’ll always get their way in relationships, and never develop the self-discipline and frustration tolerance necessary to work towards goals.  

Maybe we’re afraid of conflict, or just want to side step the awkwardness, but if things aren’t already ‘working themselves out,’ chances are they will just get worse without some kind of intervention.

2)  Not Making the Tough Call

Discussion airs issues and is good for creative problem solving, and an egalitarian atmosphere is critical for open discussion. But at some point, decisions have to be made. Too much discussion inevitably plunges a group into conflict. If a leader is vague, uncertain, or hesitant to make decisions, it creates chaos, confusion and conflict for others.

People don’t know what to do, outcomes are uncertain, work is often done for naught. And in the leadership void created by uncertainty, people jump in and fight for the reins.

The group can spend a lot of time sorting through conflicts about direction and inevitably get mired in power struggles. When power is not directly inhabited, it doesn’t just disappear but seeps into the interactional field, and is contested there, without awareness and without facilitation.

It’s an extremely exhausting and taxing process for organizations.

3) Using Too Much Ammo

Feeling like you have too little power often leads to the opposite: using more firepower than the situation calls for. If you underestimate your own rank, and are convinced you’re the weaker party, you tend to increase your fire power.

You use too much ammo out of fear you’ll be defeated, or not getting your point across. Whenever we feel one-down, we use extra force. We don’t see that we come across as an aggressor, and then we interpret the other’s defensive response as proof that they are the aggressor.

We then increase our firepower yet again, and suddenly we’re in a runaway escalation of our own making.

4) Relying On rules

Like Greg, who wrote me the officious letter about noise, reaching for a rule before trying to address things through relationship can create rather than resolve conflict. It stems from feeling weak. Unable to represent our side without an ally, we cc the boss, HR, or others onto the email.

Or, we threaten indirectly, by sounding legal or referring to procedures.

But reaching for rules, guidelines, or procedures when things go awry, or as a way to influence someone, should be a last resort, not a first step.

Just because power can be used poorly, and often is used poorly, doesn’t mean we need to avoid it. We need power. We need strength to be direct, to have tough conversations, to take responsibility, to minimize conflict, and most importantly, as leaders, to develop those around us.

So, are you guilty of misusing power by not using it wisely? Or are you subject to this in your workplace, home, or recreational life? How can you improve your understand of power and use it more effectively as you lead others? I would love to hear your thoughts!

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——————–
Julie Diamond

Julie Diamond is a Leadership Consultant, Coach, and Trainer
She specializes in Designing and Delivering Leadership Development Programs
Email | LinkedIn | Twitter | Facebook | Web | Blog | Skype: juliediamond8559

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On Leadership, Anxiety and Stressful Decisions

Making Tough Decisions

So as a leader, do you feel like you are forced to make decisions much quicker and under more stress than you would like? Are you finding yourself in an anxious state when decision-time is near? And how do these decisions work out for you and your team?

Chances are that making great decisions while you are feeling anxious and stressed just might surprise you…

On Making Decisions

There is no escaping it: we all have to make decisions:

  • Some will be small and inconsequential whilst others will change the course of world history.
  • Some we can mull over and others must be instant; we may not get a choice.
  • The one thing we hope for is freedom to make decisions objectively based on best information and in a calm frame of mind.

But most often life is just not like this. We are faced with rapidly changing, high stakes emotionally charged decisions that fuel anxiety and over time cause emotional and physical stress.

Wouldn’t it be great to sit back let the anxiety subside and then decide? If you were a field commander faced with the possibility of being overrun by the enemy YOU DON’T HAVE TIME – DECIDE NOW!

“Neither comprehension nor learning can take place in an atmosphere of anxiety. ~Rose Kennedy

On Anxious Decisions

There is a strange but eventually understandable phenomenon where anxious decision makers are more likely to seek external advice, are less able to discern good from bad advice and will accept advice even from people with conflicts of interest. The greater the intensity of anxiety and stress the more driven to habitual and external advice we become.

Maturity is achieved when a person accepts life as full of tension.”  Joshua L. Liebman

Re-framing anxiety can free us from seeking questionable advice and making inappropriate habit-based decisions. Fear drives anxiety and when we misunderstand the physical sensations triggered by fear, excitement, uncertainty, time pressure and importance we view the decision from a skewed perspective.

On Living In Reverse

Well, the good news arising from the basic research of Soares and colleagues is that “Stress-induced changes in human decision-making are reversible.

For those of you with a neuroscience inclination the author’s general conclusion can be interpreted as “chronic stress biases decision-making strategies in humans toward habits, as choices of stressed subjects become insensitive to changes in outcome value“.

Using functional brain imaging techniques, they demonstrate prolonged exposure to stress in humans causes an imbalanced activation of specific brain networks governing decision processes.

Importantly and reassuringly, a longitudinal assessment of the stressed individuals showed that both the structural and functional changes triggered by stress are reversible and that decisions become again goal-directed once the stress is removed.

Stress As An Option

I can hear you saying something along the lines of, “but the stress never goes.” This may be true, but you can alter the way you perceive the stressors and adopt mitigating measures such as mindfulness meditation, yoga or tai Chi to offset the downsides of pressure and stress. All of these practices have been proven to reduce physical symptoms of stress.

Stress is an ignorant state.  It believes that everything is an emergency.”  Natalie Goldberg, Wild Mind

Q: How can you re-frame your perception of anxiety generating situations? Let’s assume you can’t simply sit waiting for anxiety to subside or rely on advice or look for perfect solutions?

A: Don’t wait until you’re faced with high stakes instant decisions.

  • Start small and become accustomed to physically and emotionally sensing anxiety associated with small low impact decisions.
  • Appreciate the small buzzes you get next time you have to select from a complex menu, or your partner asks for a decision on which dress or suit they should buy. This is what I call “decision-making homeopathy.”

It gets you comfortable with the physical and mental sensations of anxiety. Then later up the stakes by taking notice of your reaction to decision-making in increasingly stressful situations until you know you can make decisions under heavy incoming fire.

Your objective isn’t to squash anxiety but to function effectively alongside it, doing what must be done.

If you don’t believe me then take a short while to watch Kelly McGonigal’s fantastic TED talkHow to make stress your friend” where she shows you that stress can actually protect you and help you live longer; it’s just how you view stress that matters.

Your Actions Today

  • On a scale of 1 to 10 rate your anxiety prior to, during and after today’s decisions?
  • Whose advice did you seek for today’s decisions?
  • Did this advice alter your decision?
  • How anxious do you feel others are when they make decisions (scale of 1 to 10)?
  • Did they seek you advice?
  • Did your advice bias their decision in your favour?
  • Did you make decisions based on habit or adaptation to new circumstance?

Recommended Reading

Sidetracked: Why Our Decisions Get Derailed, and How We Can Stick to the Plan by Francesca Gino

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——————– 
Gary Coulton

Dr Gary R Coulton is CEO of Adaptive Intelligence Consulting Limited
He empowers leaders to release their Adaptive Intelligence
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On Leadership and Emotional Intelligence

Low EQ Dunce

4 Eye-Openers Leaders Must Know in Evaluating Emotional Intelligence

The commercials on television today talk endlessly about treatments for “low this” and “low that,” but unfortunately, we don’t hear much about low Emotional Intelligence (EQ).

Here are some symptoms:

  • You know that you are brilliant, yet you find yourself reacting with impatience and anger with others who just don’t get it.
  • You have noticed that others don’t seem to get your humor, or your jokes, or don’t seem so interested in your great stories.
  • Maybe your feedback to a teammate failed to come across the way you had intended.

Low EQ

If as a leader at work, at home or in your community you have any of these symptoms, you’re possibly suffering from low Emotional Intelligence.

For most people, EQ limits a person’s career and influence more than IQ. So what are we talking about here? What indicates good emotional intelligence? It’s really about being aware of and responding effectively to emotions—our own and those of others.

In many ways, good EQ is similar to the common courtesies that were emphasized more in previous generations. After all, the old saw about “counting to ten” when we felt anger was about as scientific as you can get.

We now know that the emotional part of the brain (the Amygdala – /əˈmigdələ/) reacts four times faster than our cognitive quarterback in the pre-frontal cortex. In simpler terms, learning to slow down our response to emotional situations can keep us out of trouble.

Using Your Brain

The Amygdala is part of the limbic system and is the source of our natural protective response for flight or fight. For many who train regularly for combat – military, law enforcement, athletes—tapping into this source of high energy for a crisis response helps performance.

But away from the job, that same response can get you in trouble—hence the term “Amygdala Hijack.” But to some degree, all of us use and misuse this natural instinct to fight or flee—to dominate or withdraw.

So, the key to good emotional intelligence is awareness. Until we become aware of our emotions and predict where they will take us, we’re clueless as to how to manage them; and that’s what we really want to do. Likewise, an awareness of the emotions of others helps us manage our response to facilitate the most effective interaction.

Two Tests and Four Steps

Like the nourishment of vitamins in our bodies, let’s digest the following four steps of emotional intelligence to get healthier as a leader –

1. Recognize your own emotions.

Awareness usually requires practice. For example, you are in a meeting and Bob says something that you know is absolutely wrong.

“How could anyone be that stupid,” you think.

Your first instinct is to call him out and show him how wrong he is. But you’ve been down that road before and know that will only embarrass Bob and ultimately make you look small. Besides, you may not even know all the facts that are behind his opinion.

Fortunately, you recognize that you’re angry and you’ve learned to coach yourself to hold back on your response. You slow it down and engage your cognitive quarterback to come up with a plan B.

2. Manage your emotions.

You’re a quick thinker and now your mind is running through options for an effective way of responding. Your goal is to respond with honor and respect because that’s one of your personal values. You remind yourself that Bob is a bright guy, too. Also, you’ve heard from your leadership coach that listening is a really good tool.

One option you remember that might work is to say something like, “Gee Bob, I had not thought of it like that before. Can you explain the logic of how that would work?”

Of course, tone of voice and body language are very important to pulling this off because they are two of your strongest communicators of emotions. Once Bob gives his explanation, more than likely you will see that he’s not stupid at all—just operating with a different perspective. But in any case, you’ve managed your emotions and maintained your decorum—signs of a good EQ.

3. Recognize the emotions of others.

On the way back from the conference room, you run into Jane, one of your peers, who seems a bit down and overwhelmed. You’re depending on her to deliver the data that you need for the next step of your project and the deadline is tomorrow.

Your immediate fear is that it’s not going to happen. Now that you’ve been working to raise your EQ, you mentally push back on your fear and consider what your teammate is up against and how her confidence and energy are sagging.

It doesn’t take an EQ genius to realize that putting a guilt trip on her is probably not a good idea, but what can you do?

4. Respond appropriately/effectively to the emotions of others.

Because you’re not fear-motivated, you focus on encouraging Jane. After all, she does good work and what she needs right now is an emotional boost. So you choose to show her some empathy and encouragement, telling her that you understand things are difficult right now and asking if there are ways that you and your team can help.

You also offer to listen to her challenges and brainstorm with her on solutions. (By the way, this is one of the most helpful things you can do for an extrovert; they unusually need to talk to think effectively.) You close out by reminding her that she is a great teammate and that you have confidence in her judgment.

The Silent Strength of EQ

Having good EQ may sound somewhat soft, but it’s actually very powerful because it’s about being the most effective we can be. It begins with awareness—we can’t manage what we don’t recognize—and then it’s about managing our own emotions and our response to others.

In the simplest terms, it’s about reading the situation and then acting in the most effective manner. It does get easier with practice, and it makes you the kind of leader that others want to follow. Try it and see for yourself.

“Good leaders know who they are—their strengths, weaknesses, passions, talents, and values. And, developing leaders always starts with self-awareness.” – Lee Ellis

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Lee Ellis

Lee Ellis is Founder & President of Leadership Freedom LLC & FreedomStar Media.
He is a leadership consultant and expert in teambuilding, executive development & assessments
Email | LinkedIn | Web | Blog | Book | Facebook | Twitter

His latest book is called Leading with Honor: Leadership Lessons from the Hanoi Hilton.

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On Leadership, Communication and Learning From the Arts

For anyone to be a successful leader, they will have to master the art of communication. This is because leaders are judged by their communication skills, whether they know this or not.

And one of the most notable ways that leaders are judged in their communication efforts is by their ability to effectively speak before audiences or crowds.

Speaking Tips for Leaders

Here are some speaking tips from 3 unusual sources that will help in ,making great speeches:

  • A Music Composer
  • A Painter
  • And a Chef

So what does writing and delivering speeches have in common with other art forms like composing music, painting and cooking food?

A lot!

Working With Emotions

Speakers, like other artists, are working with the emotions of their audience. Most good speakers take their audience on an emotional journey, ending with a strong Final Emotion that propels their audience to act on the message of their speech.

In this regard, speakers are remarkably similar to other artists and can glean valuable tips on delivering memorable speeches by studying artists who have achieved greatness in their fields.

On Music, Painting, and Cooking

Here are 3 insightful learning’s for speakers from the fields of music, painting and cooking.

1) Planning the Emotional Journey : Music by Ennio Morricone

Music by Ennio MorriconeEnnio Morricone, a prolific composer of movie scores, constantly uses his music to transform the emotional state of his audience. His ability to take his listeners on an emotional journey, from emotion A to emotion B, via his music is truly remarkable.

For example, in his composition entitled “The Ecstasy of Gold,” Morricone takes his audience up an emotional cliff in a very deliberate manner, leaving them with strong emotions of victory and achievement.

The emotional climb is in phases with bursts of emotional music followed by periods of ‘rest’, as if Morricone knows that the emotional transformation he is trying to achieve is too “steep” for his audience.

The emotional journey makes us part of a movement born out of necessity, which runs into phases of “confusion” where the purpose is lost before a final re-commitment to the mission and the eventual victory.

The final “triumph” leaves you with a sense of victory, so charged with energy and you feel like walking out to the street and beating someone up.

The Ecstasy of Gold and other music compositions by Morricone extol the need for a speaker to plan the emotional journey of their audience. They show the power of ending speeches at emotional peaks that are aligned with the purpose of the speech, providing the audience the emotional energy needed to make the big decisions.

Morricone’s use of emotional high’s and low’s to make the journey interesting as well as providing the audience with periods of ‘emotional rest’ are excellent lessons for any speaker.

2) Understanding Transitions : The Paintings by M.C. Escher

Optical IllusionM.C. Escher, a Dutch artist who lived from 1898 to 1972, is most remembered for making physically impossible concepts, like water flowing uphill, look possible. The transitions in his paintings are so smooth that they do not obstruct flow, of sight and emotions, even when the content defies logic.

This allows the eye to follow the painting, from one end to the other, to unnatural places without questioning the validity about what is presented.

In one famous painting called Metamorphose, Escher starts from an initial pattern, transitions to various figures and shapes and then to an elaborate city near the sea before returning to the initial pattern.

The transitions in this long rectangular painting, that flows from left to right, are so smooth that the eye does not stop to question the flow. As square shape patterns turn to lizard shapes and birds turn into cities, the painting always maintains its flow.

The paintings by Escher are a case study for speakers learning to manage transitions. They highlight that when emotional flow in maintained in speeches, the audience goes wherever the speech takes them emotionally, even if logical inconsistencies exist.

The audience will not seek to understand the logic of the speech but soak the message as they go on the emotional journey that has been planned by the speaker. Speakers should, as Escher does in Metamorphose, manage difficult transitions slowly to remove abruptness while enabling easier transitions more quickly.

3) Using emotional triggers : Food by Chef Grant Achatz

Chef Grant AchatzChef Grant Achatz owns an avant-garde restaurant in Chicago called Alinea. This unique restaurant serves just one menu, a seasonal 18 to 23 course meal, that, on average, takes three hours to go through.

The dining experience at Alinea is as much about food as it is about emotion. In particular, Chef Grant uses emotional triggers to enhance the dining experience of his patrons.

For example, as a child he used to rake the leaves that were falling off the oak trees, jump in them a couple of times and then light that pile on fire. The smell of smoldering oak leaves transports him back to being eight years old and growing up in Michigan. He wanted to trigger this nostalgic emotion in his customers.

Thus he created a dish with pheasant and apple cider that are tempura-fried and then impaled, on a bamboo skewer, with oak twigs that have leaves attached. The twig pierces through the pheasant, through a gelee of apple cider.

Only the very end gets tempura-fried, and then right before it goes out to the dining room, he lights the leaves on fire. He has had patrons cry when they smell the burning oak leaves because it literally transports them back to a place or a time that they have fond memories of.

Using Emotional Triggers

This use of emotional triggers to connect with and emotionally charge an audience is a master lesson for a speaker. Speakers, even when they do not have strong emotional content, can use their words, phrases, anecdotes and stories that take the audience to a place and time that arouses strong emotions.

These emotional triggers evoke deep emotions in the audience and enables the speaker to form a strong connection with them. This typically leads to the speakers message being remembered long after the speech is over.

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———————–
Vikas Jhingran

Dr. Vikas Jhingran is an Author, Speaker and Engineer at Shell Oil
He talks about the role of Emotions in Verbal Communications
Email | LinkedIn | Twitter | Facebook | Web | Book

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Articles of Faith: Leading in a Fallen World

Keep Your Eyes On The Prize

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This  Articles of Faith series investigates leadership lessons from the Bible.

Check in on Sundays for new and refreshing ways to understand how to be a better leader.
Interested in Contributing? Contact Us.
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When it comes to leadership, Christians are called to a different way to view it, understand it, and live it. The leadership model for Christians is Jesus Christ himself. But for many modern Christians, they are taking the world’s view and understanding of leadership and not the biblical view.

So what’s a Christian to do?

Eyes on the Prize

Rather than living a life “looking in the rear view mirror”, Christians should lead by example with their eyes fixed on the prize on the road ahead. They should live in the present and not in the past. Christians should show love in the reality of a fallen world where hope is craved and leadership comes through grace.

Otherwise, living in the past is like still living with an ex-relationship governing your thoughts. And that will only lead to somewhere unwelcome.

The key to leading is the present is to live in the present with hope for the future.

Being Of The World

The many recent battles facing the Christian faith today are showing how much Christians care about being seen as equals with the rest of the secular world in which they live. To these Christians, I say this: Fellow believers, we are fighting the wrong fight and focusing on the wrong relationships.

Why are we fighting for equality, when the scriptures tell us that won’t happen. We are, in many ways, perpetuating our own struggle.

Don’t be surprised if the world hates you...” 1 John 3:13 NIV

Pretending We Are Locals

We keep calling it the world that we are not a part of (foreigners & aliens) and yet we get up in arms when the same world we are not a part of does something that offends or alienates us…guys, it’s not our world remember!

That’s like being upset about who your ex-spouse is dating. Listen, if you’re upset about what your ex is doing, then you’re not over them!

Do not love the world or anything in the world.” 1 John 2:15 NIV

Coming Together

Instead of spending our time, energy, and effort on things that don’t belong to us; we should be focusing more intentionally on coming together and being the spiritual community and kingdom the bible talks about in both testaments.

But we are too busy looking for common ground outside the faith (where we are told it’s impossible) instead of building common ground inside the faith (where we are told it’s essential).  We are fighting for equality outside of our walls, when we don’t even have unity within them.

A kingdom divided shall not stand.” Matthew 12:25 NIV

Being Right on “Rights”

The ugly truth is this, the reason we fight some much for our “religious rights” is because we want all the privileges of the secular world while not playing by its rules….I have news for us..it’s not going to happen (the Bible is clear on that).

If you love the world the world would love you like you were it’s very own.”

So why do we need to let go and move on from these fights we are so deeply entrenched in?

  • First, we are already told that we won’t win this fight. The secular world will continue to progress in ways that are secular and there is nothing we can do to stop it.
  • Secondly, it is taking our focus away from what we really should be fighting for. As Christians we are in many ways fighting for rights in Sodom and Gomorrah when God is saying to us, “get out of there and don’t look back!”

Getting the Point

So what is my point? My point is this…

Many of us don’t realize that these things we are trying to fight for socially, politically,  and economically tell us (and God) where our hearts lie. What do we want to keep more…

  • Our tax breaks or our spiritual values?
  • Our relevance or righteousness?
  • Secular handouts or kingdom holiness?

If your ex-spouse knows that what they are doing still bothers you, then they also know that what they do can still hurt you. Why are we as the church constantly running after our “ex” only to keep being hurt time and time again? This is the time for all believers to re-evaluate our values and to recommit to our unity.

There is no need to keep running after our ex when we have already become a bride. Let’s stop trying to hold on to what we need to let go of, and let’s lead the church to grab hold of what we’ve been letting go of for so long…each other.

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———————–
Dr. Tommy Shavers

Dr. Tommy Shavers is President of Tommy Speak LLC. and Unus Solutions Inc.
His lenses are Teamwork, Leadership, and Communication
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Leading People Toward Influence – The ABCD’s of Trust

ABCD

Leadership is an influence process. Whenever you try to influence the beliefs or behaviors of another person, you are engaging in leadership.

By this definition we are all leaders in some form or fashion.

Understanding Basic Leadership Roles

Q: Are you a parent?

You’re trying to lead your children.

Q: Are you a sports coach?

You’re trying to influence the performance of your team.

Q: Are you part of a team at work?

You’re engaging in leadership when you try to influence the behaviors of your teammates.

Q: Are you a sibling, spouse, friend, or neighbor?

You’re in a role that requires influence.

Virtually all the roles we play in life require influence and leadership.

Leading People Toward Influence

So, you are probably a leader in some capacity, if not in many. And with this, YOU have influence. But how do you lead people toward influence? How do you help others, and yourself, become influencers?

It all starts with trust.

Influence requires you to be in relationship with someone and all healthy relationships are built on trust. Trust, and thereby influence, doesn’t “just happen” in relationship. It is built through the use of specific and intentional behaviors. Our behaviors either build or erode trust with others.

4 Key Elements of Trust

There are four key elements of trust you must cultivate in your life in order to be a leader and person of influence.

These four elements are the ABCDs of Trust:

Able 

Leaders build trust when they demonstrate competence. People trust you when you have the knowledge, skills, and expertise to competently lead in your chosen role or profession. Able leaders produce results by using strong problem-solving and decision-making skills that allow them to set and achieve goals that produce a track record of success. People don’t trust incompetent leaders, no matter how lovable or respected they may be.

Believable 

Leaders are believable when they act with integrity. Behaving in an honest and ethical manner, admitting your mistakes, and “walking your talk” are key ways that leaders build trust. Treating people ethically and equitably through fair policies and not playing favorites builds trust and confidence in a leader’s character to do the right thing.

Connected

Trusted leaders connect with their followers on a personal level. They use good communication skills to establish rapport and they take the time to appreciate and recognize the good work of others. Connected leaders understand that leadership is about relationships. They understand that every person has a story – their life experiences, hopes, dreams, and fears – and they make that personal connection that lets their followers know they are valued and respected.

Dependable

Being reliable and dependable builds trust. Following through on commitments, doing what you say you’re going to do, and taking accountability for your actions (and those you lead) is all part of being a dependable leader. Dependable leaders have an organized system that allows them to follow-through and meet deadlines, and they are timely in responding to others and don’t drag their feet when making decisions.

Leadership Is Influence

Leading people toward influence is an inside-out proposition. It starts on the inside, with your desire to be a trustworthy person, and evolves to the outside where the ABCDs of trust thrive in your relationships with others. Remember, influence is leadership, and leadership begins with trust.

So how are you doing leading people toward influence? How are you building trust with them and teaching them to build trust with others? How well are you doing in the ABCD’s of trust? I would love to hear your thoughts! 

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Learn, Grow & Develop Other Leaders

———————–
Randy Conley
Randy Conley is the Trust Practice Leader for The Ken Blanchard Companies
He helps leaders and organizations build trust in the workplace
Email | LinkedIn | Twitter | Web | Blog

Image Sources: liquidroom.com

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