Or worse, have you had this happen to you and not even know that it was happening?
And how might you know if someone is working under-the-radar to cause you harm?
My intuitive senses are quite developed, but even for me it takes a few instances to figure out that someone is undermining me. Why? Because it is done in a subtle or gradual way and it often comes from people who you wouldn’t suspect such a thing.
These people could be your close friends or co-workers with whom you often hang out.
Most of the time undermining is done in a subtle way, but in other times it could be obvious. When it is subtle, it can be slipped in as a disguised compliment. You are left confused whether you were being complimented or slighted. It is only after a few repetitions that one figures out that they are being undermined.
So What’s Going On?
I am not a psychologist, but as far as I can tell, the following could be some of the reasons why people undermine others:
- They genuinely believe that they are better than you. By undermining you, they are validating their beliefs to themselves and it makes them feel better.
- Life is a competition for some people. I tend to think there are two kinds of competitive people. Some are too busy achieving and then there are others who seem to think that success is limited. When they see someone else’s success, to them it means their failure and therefore they try to undermine others in order to feel superior. In my humble opinion, I believe that success is unlimited. Moreover, success means different things to different people. One person’s success doesn’t mean other person’s failure. Aren’t we all on our own life path?
- Co-workers may try to undermine you in order to get ahead or if they perceive you as boss’ favorite.
- Some people feel that they haven’t gotten their dues in life. When they see someone who has gotten success easily, they may undermine their success.
I have stated some of the reasons above and I am sure there are other reasons for which people may justify undermining others. However, it is a very negative experience for the person who is being undermined.
There is really nothing tangible to be gained from such an experience except for frustration and a bad taste in the mouth.
The person being undermined is often left with a confused feeling about his friend or co-worker and might also start thinking “What did I do wrong?” The fact is that he didn’t; the fault lies with the person who is undermining. It has probably become a habit with them and they do it subconsciously.
Dealing With Undermining People
In order to deal with undermining people, the best strategy is to ignore their opinions and not let that affect you. After all, they are undermining you because they think they are being heard or have a say.
Perhaps you gave their opinion of you a little too much weight in your life. Once you take that power away from them, they will likely stop or find someone else to undermine. T
his might be easier said than done but it is a good solution to walk away from a negative situation. Clearly such coworkers or fr-enemies are not adding any value. Instead they are trying to erode your self-esteem and in the process self-serving their own false beliefs.
So have you ever been a victim of work place sabotage? what did you do about it? Or have you been guilty of doing this yourself? Why did you do this? I would love to hear your thoughts!
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